Author Archives: Gina

Changing Your Life for Good

Sometimes, just as people begin to notice how well they are doing, something seems to come up to prevent them from believing they can change, or so it can seem. Does this sound like you? Then read on.

When focusing on how you can manage your lifestyle more efficiently, it is really good to have the answers on how to do that ‘managing’ more easily.  The change you experience when working towards experiences you want to have and away from from those you don’t, can shape you into a more precise person in terms of how you choose the life you want.

One of the main things many people are aware of when they start thinking about solutions and how to choose them, is the feeling of dissatisfaction when they think about the problem issue they are trying to solve.

I ask people to ask themselves the following questions…

What is it about the solution that will help you feel better about what you want to achieve?

What is it about the idea of having that issue solved that will help you find happiness and joy?

Is it the idea of being able to focus more clearly on the life you want?

Can there be other reasons why you want to achieve what you want?

Gaining a perspective on how this works to enable them to function more precisely may help to give them the edge on good reasons to change their life and keep the change – permanently.

Forgetting about the fact that you don’t have what it takes to succeed is one way to empower your mind to believe that change is possible.  Our memories enforce our beliefs about what’s possible based on past events and experiences.  So what if you have never realised a successful event or had an experience where you achieved a planned outcome? Well, I would say that this idea is pretty much impossible due to the fact that you were born.  I’d call that a success, wouldn’t you?  Try thinking about a time when you weren’t able to walk as a baby. Can’t remember? Good!  That’s what I am talking about.  You learned to walk through sheer determination and overcame obstacles that prevented you from believing you could not do it.  And here you are today, walking as if it had never been any different.  I rest my case.

A baby does not believe that he cannot walk

So before we go any further, I first want to introduce you to the idea that change can come naturally.

In the first instance, the change that creates learning will emphasize the areas that need to be paid attention to.  If you can’t run, for example, the change that needs to happen is that you develop your fitness to the extent that you can run easily. So this idea is transient in nature, suggesting that progressive, forward thinking steps engage the learner in creating new neural pathways for successful behavior change.  This is the ultimate ‘meta-program’ in that it enhances the direction of change for the mutual benefit of its creator, as well as helping them be more successful in the future.  So for change to happen naturally, there often needs to be some process that generates a novelty experience together with a capability that is internally driven.  In order for this to happen there needs to be an environment that allows this process to occur naturally.

One idea that springs to mind is that of being able to envelop a process for being ‘all you need’ to be in order to gain awareness of the elements that drive change through.  People can listen and change, but long-lasting change is at the mercy of being able to hold the vision firmly in their grasp until it becomes what they naturally do.  However, having said that, change will happen when the time is right and when the circumstances allow it to happen.  So what are the circumstances?

The circumstances that promote change to happen can create a vacuum that enhances the process such as dissatisfaction, desire or other need. Many people come to me when they are at their wits end and can no longer bear the circumstances in which they are suffering. Motivation can be high, but ability can be low due to not knowing what to do next.  The NLPer can provide feedback as to how this issue can be resolved and design a process, or processes specifically for engaging the ‘learner’ in his/her new skill.

Once all circumstances have been achieved to allow the learner to engage with the process, change become pretty easy and fun!  It’s fun because learning is creating new neural pathways in the direction of desired outcomes and enjoyment comes from seeing the person change in response to the old outcome. New outcomes are tried and tested in experience before deciding which of these are going to create the most impact on their psyche.

What answers would you come up with if you were to ask yourself the following questions in order to create the right circumstances for change?

1. What is it going to take in order for you to change successfully?

Think about what changes you would like to make in your life and what would need to happen in order for that to happen naturally.

2. What are the signs that you need to change your response to old outcomes?

Think about situations where the outcomes cause you to feel dissatisfied, undermined or dis-empowered.  Make a list and think about how things will be different when you can change your response in spite of their existence.

3. What are the reasons you need to change and how can they help you move towards your goal/outcome or event?

It’s good to know why you want the changes you are going to make to help you stay focused on achieving your goal/outcome or event. Make a list and keep them to hand for easy reference and a timely reminder.

In creating the circumstances in which change can happen, the client has provided the process with a willingness to succeed and help themselves be more at ease with the idea that change can happen easily and quickly.  This always makes for a successful combination of ideas for trying out unilaterally as well as helping those that thought change was impossible to engage with the process more peacefully and more in line with an acceptance that change can happen for no (know) good reason – for good.

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Gina Pickersgill is the International Online NLP Specialist at www.justbewell.com

Overcoming Jealousy with NLP: The Missing Peace

There are a number of ways that jealousy can affect our lives.  The most serious of them being how we relate to romantic relationships.  If we could raise an issue for each time we had a misgiving about another person’s behaviour towards our relationship loyalty status, we would never see the end of it. Trusting a person totally to be loyal and faithful is a testimony to your own values and therefore if you are betrayed by another for whatever reason, you will feel disenchanted and disappointed at their lack of commitment.

Jealousy is a learned response

The jealous person has learned how to mistrust another by not feeling confident in their ability to commit fully to the relationship. Therefore their understanding of what the relationship has to offer will be relatively shaky compared to a person who is fully confident their relationship is solid. So what constitutes betrayal and how can we deal with the issues that arise as a result of that happening?

A betrayal is something that happens when two people decide to enter into a contract and unite for a specific purpose.  In the case of romantic relationships it is the union of two hearts that will share a common value of love.  Once a decision to unite has been made, they gather the resources required in order to focus on the commitment they have set out to engage in. Sometimes this represents a long-term commitment and other times it means that the other person is willing to make sacrifices as long as it can be usefully maintained.  Either way, the two are now representing a unit that will function as a couple and all that, that entails. In a word, they have reached an ‘understanding’.

Further to the acquisition of getting an agreement, either spoken as in a marriage ceremony or non-verbally, they forge a pathway that defines their relationship as one of committed equals for all intents and purposes of being in that relationship until something happens that challenges the status  and context of the agreement.

The ‘Ex’ Factor

In many relationships which can often be the result of a previous relationship breakdown, the ex-partners of the couple may still feel a connection through being left for another person. In this case, feelings of jealousy come from knowing they [ex -partnered] are no longer number one in that person’s [ex’s] life.  But if the ex – partner were to maintain contact with their ex-partner, the new partner may become jealous by knowing they [former relationship unit] had a past together and could feel left out and undermined by the history they shared particularly if the previous relationship yielded children. So depending on the dynamics of the relationship, it will either survive or be destroyed by the feelings of jealousy experienced in either of the two situations. So how do we deal with feelings of jealousy when the other person has done the dirty and challenged our status as a solid unit?

It’s Not Complicated

As an On-line NLP treatment specialist, I am in a fantastic position to be able to help those suffering from this debilitating condition in a way that least maximises the chances of getting found out they are seeking help in the first place.  This has many advantages in that it can prevent the condition from getting to the point of being destructive and can help the person suffering from the condition to be more in control of their emotions.  Not only do they not need to travel away from the home, they can also feel comforted that help is at hand with just a touch of a button. It is often in these moments when jealousy strikes that having the ability to tap into your ‘therapist’ at a reasonable moments notice is a godsend, due to the episode being as raw and as freshly experienced as perhaps just an hour ago.  The clearer the person is about how their experience of jealousy is affecting them, the better the outcome in the long-run.

Case Study Scenario and General Structured Intervention Sequence

My client was suffering from intense feelings of jealousy which she believed her partner was giving her cause to experience. Female visitors to the house who were colleagues and/or associates of her husband, were blatantly flirting even to the point of being allowed sit on his knee.  My client wanted to feel in control of her emotions as she was afraid of what she might do if she didn’t get help soon. In order to assess the situation and ensure that the right path of action was taken for the safety and happiness of all concerned the following steps provided a structure of coaching her to a place that was more beneficial.

1. Gather background information to establish the context in which the feelings of jealousy get triggered.

2. Establish what evidence she believed validated her feelings of jealousy by eliciting sensory based information.

3. Confirm and agree the desired direction and on-going commitment to the existing relationship.

4. Ecologically design and install a strategy that aligns with her outcome objectives.

5. Test via hypothetical and (later follow up) real life responses as to how she is progressing with newly developed skills, abilities and awareness.

Obviously this was a very emotional situation whereby she would explode with the desire to lash out at the visiting ladies who were flirting and not being discouraged to stop by her husband. So in order to help her respond more usefully, I used a technique taught to me by Eric Robbie, to enable her to stop the emotional chatter, change her point focus from head to her heart and produce a different response in-line with her commitment intentions.  She was an extremely intelligent person, so I did not need to teach her how to suck eggs.  All she needed was the missing piece that enabled her to function more usefully in a relationship she had fully committed to, without jeopardising her status as a couple. In just two sessions, she now had a way to focus on her thoughts, train her mind to stop the chatter and gain the missing peace of mind that comes from knowing that she had now taken back control of her emotions, her marriage and, more importantly, her life.

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Gina Pickersgill is the International Online NLP Specialist at www.justbewell.com

To read the jealousy page on the main site please click here – Stop Being Jealous

The Purpose of NLP for Healing – Living on Purpose

When NLP was first created by its co- founders, Richard Bandler, John Grinder (and now known) Frank Pucelik, it was intended as a way of helping people overcome obstacles such as grief, emotional pain and dysfunctional behaviours. More recently, NLP has been used for physical issues such as gripes (I.e IBS), joint pain and even pain relief for cancer patients. Indeed, many of the conditions listed on the JustBeWell website have been effectively helped with NLP and Hypnosis as a way of integrating their combined technologies to gain powerful results. Suffice to say, an NLP practitioner will know the difference between the two methodologies. NLP relates to the structure of how behaviours are organised, whereas hypnosis is the process of getting into the right states to make them happen. With that said, hypnosis is the process that enables NLP to function more usefully within the therapeutic context. In order to function at its optimal level, NLP needs to be applied to healing for a specific purpose. Therefore, the process by which this happens will depend on the condition.

If you have a condition that affects the mind, then a mental strategy will best be used to overcome the issues associated with it. Similarly, if you have a condition that is affecting your physical body, then a physical related strategy would best be used to overcome associated irritations. Like wise, if you have a condition that affects the Soul, then a spiritual related strategy would best be used to overcome associated issues. However, it is important to realise that healing one could very well have a positive impact on the other. The trick is knowing which strategy to employ for the best results on a case by case basis.

CASE STUDY
M came to me looking for help using NLP for weight loss. After initial discussions about what she wanted to achieve and why, it became clear that this was neither a mental or physical issue, but a spiritual one instead. During our conversation, it was revealed that she was in an unhappy marriage that was heading for divorce and she had personal aspirations that were being put on hold. Weight loss interventions are normally associated with lifestyle behaviour changes at the micro level, I.e, eat healthier and exercise more. But, in this instance I recognised that once she had freed herself from the unhappy situation and did something about her dream to go to Brazil, she would lose the weight naturally. Sure enough, this is what happened. She found happiness with a new partner, travelled to Brazil and lost the weight she desired. She confirmed in an email that what I had told her would happen had come true, namely, that she would lose the weight after losing the ‘wait’.

In conclusion, had I used NLP for the purpose of weight loss without first understanding the issues surrounding her circumstances, I may well have missed an opportunity to impact her life on a holistic level. In this instance, the purpose of NLP for healing had been to help another person live their life in the direction of their true purpose by paying attention to what mattered most.

Gina Pickersgill is the International Online NLP Specialist at www.justbewell.com